April 30th, 2017

April thirtieth. The last day before May. Heh. Funny. My girlfriend's last name is May. May is also the month when prom is set at my high school, which I go to next year. Which means next month is exactly three years from when I actually get to meet my girlfriend.

I've been a lot happier lately. Smiley. Giggly. Bubbly. It wasn't a ruse this time, either. I was really, truly, happy. Still am. In fact, I'm smiling as I write this. Faintly, but it's still a smile. I've also been doubting things, too. Do I really want this to be this way? Do I really want to go through with this? But I've been fighting it.

My family still hasn't given me therapy or any help yet. It's been a solid three weeks since the counselor talked to them, and they've done nothing about it. I'll have to go to her again, apparently.

I understand why my parents don't want me getting help. They refuse to believe their daughter has something wrong with her, they refuse to believe their daughter has a twisted mind and thinks in a way that's differently than they do. But there's nothing I can do about that. They'll just have to accept it, eventually. They'll come to terms with it. I believe in them.

Things haven't been too well at home, either.  My parents argue at least once a day now.  Last night, they argued for about two hours. I'm not even quite sure what it was about, to be honest. Just a lot of yelling and shouting. It would get quiet, then loud, then quiet again. Over and over. And if I'm not mistaken, I think I heard him hit her once. I hope not.

Part of me thinks this family is crumbling. My life is falling apart. But I refuse to believe that because I think I'm on the uphill slope of the roller coaster I call life. I think I've already had my downhill, and the only way I can go from there is up. Even when I do have those little tiny downward slopes, I always come up. And that's why I'm unafraid of myself.

Yesterday, I became fed up of my friend's friend, who was whiny and always talked about herself. She was constantly complaining about how horrible her life was, to the point of which it practically sounded like bragging about her mental disorders. So I let my friend know first, before messaging the girl. As calmly as I could, I told her that I didn't like how she acted and that her posting all about herself on a shared social media account and her being whiny wasn't okay (it was nicer than it sounded, I promise), and she replied rudely and told me things like, "leave, then". She eventually left the messages but continued on with her whining.

I definitely had an impact on her, which is what I'm proud of. She's lessened up her whining a little, and hopefully, my friend will be ending her friendship with that girl. In my opinion, she's toxic.